A Simple Equation [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“…to the degree that each of us is dedicated to wanting there to be peace in the world, then we have to take responsibility when our own hearts and minds harden and close.” Pema Chödrön, Practicing Peace

Inside, I am wrestling. This political era is challenging everything I believe, everything I believe about humanity, everything I believe about myself. For instance, as someone who spent years facilitating DEI workshops, I have found the hard wall of intolerance; my intolerance.

My intolerance reduces difference to a simple equation. An example: My wife is a survivor of sexual assault. The harm inflicted on her by her rapist ravages her to this day. The maga candidate has been found liable for sexual abuse. He has been accused of sexual assault by dozens of women. For me, a vote for the maga candidate is no more or no less than a vote for a serial rapist. It’s a simple bottom line. Support of the rapist bespeaks acceptance of rape. Never mind the the incessant racism, the misogyny, the lies, the grift…

Another simple equation: A person who votes for the maga candidate is complicit.

For the first time in my life I am finding it impossible to stand in the other’s shoes. I can’t understand it and, more to the point, I am no longer willing to try. And so, the growth begins. I have found my edge.

I’m finding that there are very good reasons to be intolerant. There should be – there need to be – hard lines drawn in the sand. We have laws for a reason. We have separation of powers for a reason. There is a line between moral and immoral, between right and wrong – for a reason.

We’ve been watching past seasons of Alone. Our pals got us hooked on it and I am finding it helpful as I stand on my edge. People left alone in the wilderness quickly learn about their basic needs. They learn about themselves. Although adept survivalists, most nearly starve to death in a matter of weeks, yet it’s not the lack of food that defeats them. It’s the lack of human contact. As they move through their ordeal of aloneness, they become increasingly grateful for the people in their lives. They become humble. They weep. These rugged outdoors-types speak openly about what they fear. When stripped down to the basics, they meet themselves as if for the first time.

They become effusive in their gratitude because they become clear about what matters and what does not.

I feel that I am – we are- learning about ourselves as a nation. We are certainly in the process of being stripped down. The basics of our beliefs – beyond the rhetoric – are being excavated and revealed. And, as I discover the inflexibility of my intolerance, clear about what matters, I am also plumbing the depths of a deeper well of gratitude.

It is not an exaggeration to say that I am thankful for people who ask questions en route to the truth – people who desire to be informed beyond their own comfortable belief. I am thankful for courageous people who can no longer stomach the rot – who place country over personal gain. I am thankful for people who honor and fight to hold the line of decency and democracy.

I am grateful for meeting my intolerance.

I am grateful for people who still think sexual assault is a crime and anyone who sexually assaults should be imprisoned rather than rewarded with the highest office in our land. A bottom line. A line drawn in the sand. A simple equation.

read Kerri’s blogpost about GRATITUDE

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4 Responses

  1. “White hot anger” is ascribed to Moses at the end of his last meeting with Pharo (O.T.). He fought for the release of his enslaved people. There was a line, and the king of Egypt crossed it. Moses was “intolerant” and rightfully so.

    My wife was raped in the military. Her scars run throughout her emotional and physical being to this day. It is lifelong. Kutos to you David for helping Kerri throughout your years together!

    For some reason, I recall our instructor/counselor in a Social Work class when a question posed by a student, “Why would you even think of counseling a pedophile?” She said, “Because they are human.” Although I had my doubts about the “human” aspect (intolerant) and to a large degree still do, I have to admit she was right.

    This particular political year seems to jar a lot of emotional well-being in us. We will get through it – again. But Brenda is a nervous wreck. It is indeed about right vs. wrong (Moses). In life we have to make a clear stand sometimes. 1930’s Germany failed to do so. Their lesson is our lesson. I guess I had better shut up now and help pack for our week-long trip to Sioux Falls and Mitchell. Brenda’s relatives are right-wingers, therefore, it will be a test of patience for us. One thing I will NEVER forget about college- gentle persuasion with a touch of “White hot anger.” Eh, life. Superb article, David. You ought to make a book out of these posts! -Cris

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